if i was going to write a book on recovery...

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, it might be called "Once a Being, Always a Being"

Because I don't want you, in all of your power, beauty, and raw humanness, to get lost in the label of what you struggle with.

Because so often people are treated not just FOR but as if they ARE their illness.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, it might also be called "Real Recovery is Really Possible"

Because it is.

Because I believe that telling people with eating disorders that this is something they will struggle with their whole life is doing a huge disservice to them and their recovery.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 1 would be called "I'm not dying to be thin"

Because I wasn't dying to be thin, I was dying to be seen.

Because I wasn't dying to be thin, I was dying to feel love and connection.

Because I wasn't dying to be thin, I was dying to feel safe.

Because I wasn't dying to be thin, I was sick.

Because I wasn't dying to be thin, that was just a surface level excuse

Because for a long time I had no idea why I was dying.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 2 would be called "Empty"

Because most of my high school friends believed I was faking my illness.

Because my college friends were not enablers and told me that if I didn't get better I couldn't be their friend.

Because I was numb.

Because I felt like I had nothing.

Because I had to leave college for treatment.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 3 would be called "silent".

Because my first time in rehab I was silent and just cried most of the time.

Because I did not have the words to describe the pain that I was in.

Because art therapy was the only thing that made me feel better.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 4 would be called "unsteady".

Because I left rehab sooner than I was ready to.

Because health insurance in the USA made it impossible to get the amount of care that I needed.

Because day treatment and IOP didn't do anything for me.

Because I wasn't better.

Because the moment I went back to college, I relapsed.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 5 would be called "voice".

Because the second time that I was in rehab I talked a lot.

Because the second time that I was in rehab I wanted to be there.

Because as much as I didn't know what came next for me, I knew that I didn't want to be in rehab again.

Because when I left rehab the second time I was motivated.

Because when I left rehab the second time I believed I could get better.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 6 would be called "experiments".

Because I tried to find understanding by taking a writing course.

Because I tried to find connection by joining community volleyball.

Because I tried to find comfort in my body by taking a dance class.

Because I tried to make new friends by joining a young professionals organization.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 7 would be called "yoga".

Because in finding yoga I found understanding, connection, comfort in my body, and new friends.

Because yoga taught me to love my body for what it could do and not what it looked like.

Because yoga gave me an ultimatum - my eating disorder, or it.

Because yoga made me feel like I was part of something greater than myself.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 8 would be called "mentor".

Because my mentor Coby opened me up to so many different perspectives on things that once kept me stuck.

Because my mentor Coby helped me find a purpose to my life.

Because my friend Jenny encouraged me to talk and talk and talk and talk and verbalize to her the nonsense in my head.

Because my friend Alison made me feel loved, important, and valued.

Because recovery requires the ability to ask for help.

Because recovery requires you to trust the words of those that have come before you.

Because recovery is a long, windy journey that is not easy to navigate.

Because LIFE is a long, windy journey that is not easy to navigate.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 9 would be called "courage".

Because sharing my story is courageous.

Because vulnerability takes a lot of strength.

Because in living my truth I become a mirror to other people of what real recovery can really look like.

Because it takes courage to be happy in the face of constant media, unsolicited opinions, and the state of the world.

Because it takes courage to show up for life again and again and again.

Because it takes courage to make new friends, find a new job, set boundaries with people, and stand my ground.

Because it takes courage to compromise, step back, rest, and pause.

Because it takes courage to stop outside of comfort zones.

Because moving into uncharted territory is courageous.

 

If I was going to write a book on eating disorder recovery, chapter 10 would be called "beauty".

Because life is beautiful.

Because we live in a beautiful world.

Because nature is stunning.

Because I am a masterpiece.

 

Are you ready to write your book on eating disorder recovery? Click here to reach out to me about a free, virtual coffee date and chat more.

Kristen Brunello